One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
