It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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