she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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