i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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