I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize