In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
