He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
