wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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