Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Green mimosas i think yes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
