there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it because I queefed?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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