he wants to bone in the snuggie
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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