Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
