Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Randomize
