I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
