you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
