If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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