This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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