Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize