I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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