yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
