mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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