OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
