is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
