a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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