I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize