i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
