someone threw a dead crab at me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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