we made out on top of his cat.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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