Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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