the condom got lost in my hair
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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