Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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