he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
