and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
