good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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