I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
