Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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