Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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