We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
