Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
did i just pee glitter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
