Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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