We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
