I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
