My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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