everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
