Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
