cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
