A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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