Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
