bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
