is your mom at the bar?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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