bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I pour the whiskey from now on
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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