drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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