I murdered the dance floor call the cops
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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