i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
