I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
