you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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