okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
