We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
