Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
