Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
