I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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