My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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