Pappa wants mamma naked
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
