My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
