You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
