His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize