I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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