i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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