I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
