I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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