so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
