I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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