I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
