My Higher Power is John Stamos
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
