Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
