yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
