Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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