K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
