she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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