I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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