Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
