So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
